Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Operation Inasmuch
Planning is underway for Operation Inasmuch in Mitchell County. The next planning meeting is Tuesday, March 3 at 6:00 p.m. at Spruce Pine United Methodist Church. Operation Inasmuch is a non-denominational day of local missions involving local churches involved in such projects as home repair, nursing home visitation, and community cleanup. Potential dates are April 25 or May 2. For more information, contact Jay Bissett at 828/688-4988 or jbissett@ccvn.com. The national website is www.operationinasmuch.com.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Man in the Mirror, chapter 10
Friends: Risks and Rewards
Five years from today you will be pretty much the same as you are today except for two things: the books you read and the people you get close to. Charles Jones
The Problem
Do you have a close friend? Not just someone to call for lunch, but a genuinely close friend?
Adult friendships are difficult to start and harder to keep.
Most men have a friendship deficit. We don't have anyone who is willing to just listen, to simply be a friend and listen, and not always to have a quick solution.
Friends Versus Acquaintances
You'd be fortunate if you had three real friends.
Are the men you consider friends really friends?
Too Close for Comfort
We sincerely want to have close friends, yet we fear letting someone get too close. We worry that if someone really got to know us, they wouldn't like us.
We need approval, to be accepted by another person, but we fear the opposite -- that we will be rejected.
Betrayed!
Few types of emotional pain sear as painfully and as deeply as that of betrayal by a friend.
Trust, transparency, and vulnerability are the stuff of which true friendships are constructed.
Taking the Risk
If you want a real friend, you will probably need to be the one who takes the initiative.
The price of friendship is personal vulnerability.
Transparency must characterize a friendship.
A Friend
A friend is there when you need him.
A friend keeps us on track.
A friend helps us crystallize our thoughts.
A friend will listen.
Five years from today you will be pretty much the same as you are today except for two things: the books you read and the people you get close to. Charles Jones
The Problem
Do you have a close friend? Not just someone to call for lunch, but a genuinely close friend?
Adult friendships are difficult to start and harder to keep.
Most men have a friendship deficit. We don't have anyone who is willing to just listen, to simply be a friend and listen, and not always to have a quick solution.
Friends Versus Acquaintances
You'd be fortunate if you had three real friends.
Are the men you consider friends really friends?
Too Close for Comfort
We sincerely want to have close friends, yet we fear letting someone get too close. We worry that if someone really got to know us, they wouldn't like us.
We need approval, to be accepted by another person, but we fear the opposite -- that we will be rejected.
Betrayed!
Few types of emotional pain sear as painfully and as deeply as that of betrayal by a friend.
Trust, transparency, and vulnerability are the stuff of which true friendships are constructed.
Taking the Risk
If you want a real friend, you will probably need to be the one who takes the initiative.
The price of friendship is personal vulnerability.
Transparency must characterize a friendship.
A Friend
A friend is there when you need him.
A friend keeps us on track.
A friend helps us crystallize our thoughts.
A friend will listen.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Men's Summit
We're in the process of planning the 1st Annual Blue Ridge Men's Spring Summit to be held in the fellowship hall of First Baptist Church, Spruce Pine, on Saturday, April 18. The Summit will feature a praise band, fellowship, lunch, and a men's ministry expert as keynote speaker. The first 48 men will receive a copy of the book "Man in the Mirror", the book that started the men's ministry movement.Mark your calendar.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 9 Questions
Wives: How to be Happily Married
The Man In the Mirror - Patrick Morley Chapter 9
Wives: How to be happily married.
Are you less than happily married? Perhaps you are not unhappy, but you sense you are missing out on the best that marriage can offer. Have your wife read this chapter, and then spend some time together answering the sixteen following questions, entitled "Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse." Make a habit of talking about matters that matter.
Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse(Spend twenty minutes together daily for thirty days --- form a habit.)
1. What are three to five things about me that you really like?
2. What are two things I do which you wish I would stop doing or change?
3. Where are you on your spiritual pilgrimage?
4. What do you think is the purpose of your life?
5. What is something we could do together in our spare time?
6. What is a trip you've always dreamed of taking?
7. What are your greatest regrets about your life?
8. What has been your biggest disappointment?
9. How do you feel about how the kids are turning (have turned) out?
10. If you could change any one thing about your life, what would it be?
11. If you had no one else to answer to, what would you like to be doing in five years? Ten years? In retirement?
12. What is one tangible way I can better express my love for you?
13. Each put an "X" where you think you are and where your partner is:
• Men: Love I----------I----------I Hate
• Women: Submit I----------I----------I Resist
Discuss why your answers are different. Discuss each other's willingness to change.
14. Which of the four types of marriages do we have?
15. What practical steps could I/you take to have a "love and submit" marriage?
16. Husband: Read 1 Corinthians 13 to your wife out loud. Confess to her the areas where you have failed and ask her forgiveness. Wife: Repeat.
The Man In the Mirror - Patrick Morley Chapter 9
Wives: How to be happily married.
Are you less than happily married? Perhaps you are not unhappy, but you sense you are missing out on the best that marriage can offer. Have your wife read this chapter, and then spend some time together answering the sixteen following questions, entitled "Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse." Make a habit of talking about matters that matter.
Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse(Spend twenty minutes together daily for thirty days --- form a habit.)
1. What are three to five things about me that you really like?
2. What are two things I do which you wish I would stop doing or change?
3. Where are you on your spiritual pilgrimage?
4. What do you think is the purpose of your life?
5. What is something we could do together in our spare time?
6. What is a trip you've always dreamed of taking?
7. What are your greatest regrets about your life?
8. What has been your biggest disappointment?
9. How do you feel about how the kids are turning (have turned) out?
10. If you could change any one thing about your life, what would it be?
11. If you had no one else to answer to, what would you like to be doing in five years? Ten years? In retirement?
12. What is one tangible way I can better express my love for you?
13. Each put an "X" where you think you are and where your partner is:
• Men: Love I----------I----------I Hate
• Women: Submit I----------I----------I Resist
Discuss why your answers are different. Discuss each other's willingness to change.
14. Which of the four types of marriages do we have?
15. What practical steps could I/you take to have a "love and submit" marriage?
16. Husband: Read 1 Corinthians 13 to your wife out loud. Confess to her the areas where you have failed and ask her forgiveness. Wife: Repeat.
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 9 Summary
Wives: How to be Happily Married
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. Martin Luther
The Problem
Most men are not unhappy with their marriages, but they don't really enjoy their wives -- they are less than happily married.
Men need to have a friend with whom they can let their hair down, someone they can really trust. Too few men find that friend.
The Role of a Wife
One of a man's deepest needs is to be respected.
Your wife's duty is to submit to you, which is the ultimate expression of respect.
To yield to another person is impossible unless you respect them. You can be forced to obey someone, but not to respect them.
The goal of this instruction is not to reduce women to servants and doormats, but to provide an authority structure in the marriage.
Where is your wife on the submit/resist continuum? How is your management style?
The Role of the Husband
The Scriptural instruction to husbands is to love their wife.
The kind of love Scripture directs us to is volitional rather than emotional. We are to love our wives volitionally, as an act of the will by choice.
Where would you place yourself on the love/hate continuum?
Four Types of Marriages
Love and Submit. Ozzie and Harriet
Hate and Submit. The Bunkers
Love and Resist. The Lockhorns
Hate and Resist. J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing
Most marriages which are still together but not working are Hate and Submit or Love and Resist because one partner has decided to hang in there and try to make things work.
The Love and Submit Marriage. I have known only a handful of men whose marriages are really working.
The Hate and Submit Marriage. This is the most common type of marriage that is not working.
The Love and Resist Marriage. The feminist movement has fueled the Love and Resist marriage syndrome.
Time Together
Every marriage needs a balance between talking and listening.
A thirty-day experiment: spend twenty minutes each day talking with your wife.
Shared Responsibility
Our marriages will work better if we apply, by mutual agreement with our wives, the principle of 90-10, Both Ways.
How Do Marriages Get Into Trouble
Most marriages tend to break down because the partners are critical of each other.
Power struggles over unyielded rights can doom a marriage.
Our self-centeredness is the root problem.
When it dawned on me that she wanted to be a teammate and not a slave, I became angry -- both at her for not capitulating, and at myself for being so foolish.
Sex!
No temptation causes more problems for men than sex.
Our culture does not prize fidelity as one of its values.
For a marriage to survive today, a man and his wife must be at least as committed to the institution of marriage as they are to each other as individuals.
Money
Financial pressure is the greatest pressure on couples today.
Communication
Only through dialog can we be certain that we are being understood.
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. Martin Luther
The Problem
Most men are not unhappy with their marriages, but they don't really enjoy their wives -- they are less than happily married.
Men need to have a friend with whom they can let their hair down, someone they can really trust. Too few men find that friend.
The Role of a Wife
One of a man's deepest needs is to be respected.
Your wife's duty is to submit to you, which is the ultimate expression of respect.
To yield to another person is impossible unless you respect them. You can be forced to obey someone, but not to respect them.
The goal of this instruction is not to reduce women to servants and doormats, but to provide an authority structure in the marriage.
Where is your wife on the submit/resist continuum? How is your management style?
The Role of the Husband
The Scriptural instruction to husbands is to love their wife.
The kind of love Scripture directs us to is volitional rather than emotional. We are to love our wives volitionally, as an act of the will by choice.
Where would you place yourself on the love/hate continuum?
Four Types of Marriages
Love and Submit. Ozzie and Harriet
Hate and Submit. The Bunkers
Love and Resist. The Lockhorns
Hate and Resist. J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing
Most marriages which are still together but not working are Hate and Submit or Love and Resist because one partner has decided to hang in there and try to make things work.
The Love and Submit Marriage. I have known only a handful of men whose marriages are really working.
The Hate and Submit Marriage. This is the most common type of marriage that is not working.
The Love and Resist Marriage. The feminist movement has fueled the Love and Resist marriage syndrome.
Time Together
Every marriage needs a balance between talking and listening.
A thirty-day experiment: spend twenty minutes each day talking with your wife.
Shared Responsibility
Our marriages will work better if we apply, by mutual agreement with our wives, the principle of 90-10, Both Ways.
How Do Marriages Get Into Trouble
Most marriages tend to break down because the partners are critical of each other.
Power struggles over unyielded rights can doom a marriage.
Our self-centeredness is the root problem.
When it dawned on me that she wanted to be a teammate and not a slave, I became angry -- both at her for not capitulating, and at myself for being so foolish.
Sex!
No temptation causes more problems for men than sex.
Our culture does not prize fidelity as one of its values.
For a marriage to survive today, a man and his wife must be at least as committed to the institution of marriage as they are to each other as individuals.
Money
Financial pressure is the greatest pressure on couples today.
Communication
Only through dialog can we be certain that we are being understood.
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 8 Summary
Children: How to Avoid Regrets
"My child arrived just the other day; he came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay; he learned to walk while I was away." Sandy and Harry Chapin
If we are willing to go so far as to die for our children, why is it that we often don't seem willing to live for them?
The Problem
Survey results indicate that the average middle-class father believes he spends fifteen to twenty minutes a day with his kids.
The actual average amount of time each dad spent with his kids was thirty-seven seconds, an average of 2.7 daily encounters of ten to fifteen seconds!
The average American child watches between four and seven hours of TV each day.
\Freedom to Be Kids
What is more important a piece of furniture or a child? "I'll not have you ruining a million dollar child over a $300 dollar table."
Give them the freedom to be kids. Our approach should be to help them get through growing up.
Protection from the World
Our goal is protection not insulation.
Children, not wise but foolish, discriminate best between that which makes them feel good and that which makes them feel bad.
Too bad that many things which feel good at first deeply scar the lives of millions of our young people -- drugs, alcohol, sex.
The duty and role of fathers includes protecting children from evil as well as teaching them righteousness.
Teaching children what to look for in a friend, and placing them in environments where such young people can be found is a gigantic contribution to their beliefs and values.
These days when we misjudge, we tend to underprotect, not overprotect.
Encourage, Don't Embitter
Angry fathers are everywhere. I once heard an angry father yell at his elementary-aged son, "Why don't you act your age?"
These are the words penned by Boswell's dad: "Gone fishing today with my son; a day wasted."
No Replacement for Time
If we end up with regrets over the time we didn't give our children, it is a pain that never goes away.
As Lee Iacocca points out, no one says on his deathbed, "I wish I had spent more time with my business."
Guardianship Through Prayer
We can make no greater contribution to the well-being of our kids than to intercede for them in daily prayer.
You may find some adaptation of this list helpful:
A saving faith
A growing faith
To be strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit
A desire for integrity
A call to excellence
To acquire wisdom
"My child arrived just the other day; he came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay; he learned to walk while I was away." Sandy and Harry Chapin
If we are willing to go so far as to die for our children, why is it that we often don't seem willing to live for them?
The Problem
Survey results indicate that the average middle-class father believes he spends fifteen to twenty minutes a day with his kids.
The actual average amount of time each dad spent with his kids was thirty-seven seconds, an average of 2.7 daily encounters of ten to fifteen seconds!
The average American child watches between four and seven hours of TV each day.
\Freedom to Be Kids
What is more important a piece of furniture or a child? "I'll not have you ruining a million dollar child over a $300 dollar table."
Give them the freedom to be kids. Our approach should be to help them get through growing up.
Protection from the World
Our goal is protection not insulation.
Children, not wise but foolish, discriminate best between that which makes them feel good and that which makes them feel bad.
Too bad that many things which feel good at first deeply scar the lives of millions of our young people -- drugs, alcohol, sex.
The duty and role of fathers includes protecting children from evil as well as teaching them righteousness.
Teaching children what to look for in a friend, and placing them in environments where such young people can be found is a gigantic contribution to their beliefs and values.
These days when we misjudge, we tend to underprotect, not overprotect.
Encourage, Don't Embitter
Angry fathers are everywhere. I once heard an angry father yell at his elementary-aged son, "Why don't you act your age?"
These are the words penned by Boswell's dad: "Gone fishing today with my son; a day wasted."
No Replacement for Time
If we end up with regrets over the time we didn't give our children, it is a pain that never goes away.
As Lee Iacocca points out, no one says on his deathbed, "I wish I had spent more time with my business."
Guardianship Through Prayer
We can make no greater contribution to the well-being of our kids than to intercede for them in daily prayer.
You may find some adaptation of this list helpful:
A saving faith
A growing faith
To be strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit
A desire for integrity
A call to excellence
To acquire wisdom
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 7 Summary
Broken Relationships
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Tolstoy
Why not prioritize everything we do on the basis of who's going to be crying at our funeral?
Why should we give ourselves to people who don't love us at the expense of those who do?
The Problem
Many men are succeeding at work, but failing at life. In pursuit of the good life, most men leave a trail of broken relationships.
"I was so busy taking care of company business that I never put my own financial house in order."
"I was so busy trying to improve my family's standard of living that, before I knew it, my children were grown and gone, and I never got to know them. Now they are too busy for me."
No amount of success at the office can compensate for failure at home.
Why Do Men Score So Low in Relationships?
God gave man the natural inclination to be task oriented -- referred to as the cultural mandate.
The culture we live in values possessions and accomplishments higher than people and relationships.
When is the last time you met a man who described himself in terms of the impact he is having on his children?
Our culture has persuaded most men that significance is related more to our balance sheet and our title than to teaching our children and cherishing our wives.
Grumpy Men
"Other people don't create your spirit, they only reveal it." Our wives don't make us grumpy; we are grumpy people looking for a place to grump.
The key to relationships is time. People know how much you value them by the amount and quality of time you are willing to spend with them.
Conclusion
Do my wife and children know that I am for them by the way I spend my time?
If you don't have enough time for your family, you can be 100% certain that you are not following God's will for your life
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Tolstoy
Why not prioritize everything we do on the basis of who's going to be crying at our funeral?
Why should we give ourselves to people who don't love us at the expense of those who do?
The Problem
Many men are succeeding at work, but failing at life. In pursuit of the good life, most men leave a trail of broken relationships.
"I was so busy taking care of company business that I never put my own financial house in order."
"I was so busy trying to improve my family's standard of living that, before I knew it, my children were grown and gone, and I never got to know them. Now they are too busy for me."
No amount of success at the office can compensate for failure at home.
Why Do Men Score So Low in Relationships?
God gave man the natural inclination to be task oriented -- referred to as the cultural mandate.
The culture we live in values possessions and accomplishments higher than people and relationships.
When is the last time you met a man who described himself in terms of the impact he is having on his children?
Our culture has persuaded most men that significance is related more to our balance sheet and our title than to teaching our children and cherishing our wives.
Grumpy Men
"Other people don't create your spirit, they only reveal it." Our wives don't make us grumpy; we are grumpy people looking for a place to grump.
The key to relationships is time. People know how much you value them by the amount and quality of time you are willing to spend with them.
Conclusion
Do my wife and children know that I am for them by the way I spend my time?
If you don't have enough time for your family, you can be 100% certain that you are not following God's will for your life
"Man in the Mirror", Chapter 6 Summary
The Secret of Job Contentment
The most outstanding characteristic of Eastern civilization is to know contentment whereas that of Western civilization is not to know contentment. Hu Shih
The Problem
Are you getting what you want out of your job?
According to published surveys, up to 80 percent of Americans occupy the wrong job for them.
Men, made for work, must feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in their work, or contentment will elude them.
If a man is unhappy in his work, he is unhappy.
The Secret of Job Contentment
The secret of job contentment is not getting what you want, but redefining what you need.
Three principles from Scripture apply when we are willing to redefine what we need to achieve job contentment:
We need to control our ambition.
Our contentment must come from our relationship with God, not from our circumstances.
We need to redefine the basic roles in our work relationships:
The ultimate boss is God.
We are to be stewards.
The most outstanding characteristic of Eastern civilization is to know contentment whereas that of Western civilization is not to know contentment. Hu Shih
The Problem
Are you getting what you want out of your job?
According to published surveys, up to 80 percent of Americans occupy the wrong job for them.
Men, made for work, must feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in their work, or contentment will elude them.
If a man is unhappy in his work, he is unhappy.
The Secret of Job Contentment
The secret of job contentment is not getting what you want, but redefining what you need.
Three principles from Scripture apply when we are willing to redefine what we need to achieve job contentment:
We need to control our ambition.
Our contentment must come from our relationship with God, not from our circumstances.
We need to redefine the basic roles in our work relationships:
The ultimate boss is God.
We are to be stewards.
Developing a Life Purpose Statement
Use this worksheet as a guide to help you discover God’s personal purpose for your life. Your reward will be a sense of destiny about your life.
Follow these practical steps:
1.Ask God, in prayer, to reveal your personal earthly purpose to you. Read Psalm 32:8 and claim it as a purpose that He will answer.
2.Search the Scriptures for verses which capture your sense of God’s purpose for your earthly life- record verses that give a special sense of meaning and purpose, picking out verses that are big enough to last a lifetime. Here are some which you can begin to explore: Joshua 24:15; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 6:33; 22:37-40; 28:19-20; John 4:34; 15:1-9, 15; 17:4; Acts 20:24; I Corinthians 10:31; Ephesians 2:10; Phillipians 3:10; Proverbs 30:7-9; Micah 6:8; Acts 1:8; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Other verses: _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3.Go slow and wait for God to reveal Himself. Be patient, it may take some time.
4.Once you find a verse that you believe expresses God’s earthly purpose for you, rephrase it in your own words. Write a “draft” Written Life Purpose Statement here: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5.Once you are satisfied you have it, write it down, date it, and carry it in your Bible.
6.Do all of the above asking God to give you a passion for your life so you will not be numbered among those timid souls who never know what it is like to taste the full measure of God. Decide to buy something great with the rest of the days you have to spend.
Follow these practical steps:
1.Ask God, in prayer, to reveal your personal earthly purpose to you. Read Psalm 32:8 and claim it as a purpose that He will answer.
2.Search the Scriptures for verses which capture your sense of God’s purpose for your earthly life- record verses that give a special sense of meaning and purpose, picking out verses that are big enough to last a lifetime. Here are some which you can begin to explore: Joshua 24:15; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 6:33; 22:37-40; 28:19-20; John 4:34; 15:1-9, 15; 17:4; Acts 20:24; I Corinthians 10:31; Ephesians 2:10; Phillipians 3:10; Proverbs 30:7-9; Micah 6:8; Acts 1:8; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Other verses: _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3.Go slow and wait for God to reveal Himself. Be patient, it may take some time.
4.Once you find a verse that you believe expresses God’s earthly purpose for you, rephrase it in your own words. Write a “draft” Written Life Purpose Statement here: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5.Once you are satisfied you have it, write it down, date it, and carry it in your Bible.
6.Do all of the above asking God to give you a passion for your life so you will not be numbered among those timid souls who never know what it is like to taste the full measure of God. Decide to buy something great with the rest of the days you have to spend.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 5 Summary
CHAPTER 5 Purpose: Why Do I Exist?
Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever. Westminster Confession of Faith
The Problem
Achieving goals becomes an unrelated string of hollow victories, increasingly frustrating as more and more is achieved.
The problem with goals is that you have to keep setting new ones because achieving them doesn't provide lasting satisfaction.
The fleeting satisfaction of a met goal begs the question, "Is there something bigger for my life than the routine of setting and meeting goals?"
Identity Versus Purpose
Identity answers the question, "Who am I?" We derive identity from understanding our relationship with God.
Purpose answers the question, "Why do I exist?" The only purposes that will survive are the ones linked to God.
Goals Versus Purpose
Goals are near-term; whether or not they can be met can be determined.
Purpose reflects our examination of life's larger meaning.
Goals are what we do. Purpose is why we do what we do.
Eternal Purpose Versus Earthly Purpose
God's eternal purpose for us is to seek His kingdom, by which we enjoy Him forever.
His earthly purpose for us is to seek His righteousness, by which we glorify Him.
Earthly Purpose
There is a sense in which all men are alike, God gives all men the same universal earthly purpose:
What we are to be (character).
What we are to do (conduct).
There is a sense in which each of us is unique, God gives each of us a specific call on our lives -- personal earthly purpose. A Life Purpose Statement encompasses what you discover as God's personal earthly purpose for your life.
Assignment
Begin to sketch out a purpose statement for your life.
Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever. Westminster Confession of Faith
The Problem
Achieving goals becomes an unrelated string of hollow victories, increasingly frustrating as more and more is achieved.
The problem with goals is that you have to keep setting new ones because achieving them doesn't provide lasting satisfaction.
The fleeting satisfaction of a met goal begs the question, "Is there something bigger for my life than the routine of setting and meeting goals?"
Identity Versus Purpose
Identity answers the question, "Who am I?" We derive identity from understanding our relationship with God.
Purpose answers the question, "Why do I exist?" The only purposes that will survive are the ones linked to God.
Goals Versus Purpose
Goals are near-term; whether or not they can be met can be determined.
Purpose reflects our examination of life's larger meaning.
Goals are what we do. Purpose is why we do what we do.
Eternal Purpose Versus Earthly Purpose
God's eternal purpose for us is to seek His kingdom, by which we enjoy Him forever.
His earthly purpose for us is to seek His righteousness, by which we glorify Him.
Earthly Purpose
There is a sense in which all men are alike, God gives all men the same universal earthly purpose:
What we are to be (character).
What we are to do (conduct).
There is a sense in which each of us is unique, God gives each of us a specific call on our lives -- personal earthly purpose. A Life Purpose Statement encompasses what you discover as God's personal earthly purpose for your life.
Assignment
Begin to sketch out a purpose statement for your life.
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 4 Summary
CHAPTER 4 Significance: The Search for Meaning and Purpose
The Problem
What do you think is a man's greatest need? His need to be significant.
The difference in men is how we go about satisfying our need to be significant.
A Man's Highest Hope
If you were a really great man, what would be the most you might expect from history?
A man's ultimate desire is for immortality. We want something to survive us.
How we decide to answer the two questions, "Who am I?" and "Why do I exist?" is a choice between two time lines: one that's eighty years long and one that lasts forever.
Inappropriate Ways of Finding Significance
Consider some common ways the world defines significance.
Fame: A Few Short Memories. When we try to answer the question, "Who am I?" in terms of fame and worldly accomplishment, we select an identity that quickly fades.
Possessions: Unsatisfied Eyes. We all use possessions to send signals that we are significant. The most fleeting significance comes from things.
Power: What's His Name Again? Men who achieve significant positions of responsibility and authority in life run the great risk of identifying themselves personally with the position.
If you think a person can find lasting significance through the pursuit of fame, possessions, or power, play the game of tens.
Name the ten wealthiest men in the world.
Name the ten most admired men in America.
Name the ten top corporate executives in America.
Name the last ten Nobel Prize winners
Name the last ten presidents of the United States
Or try another version.
Name your ten best friends
Name ten family members who love you
Name the ten most memorable experiences of your life
Name ten people you think will attend your funeral
The Self Gratification/Significance Distinction
Significance is not possible unless what we do contributes to the welfare of others.
If I make helping others my practice, a state of significance results.
The difference between self-gratification and significance is found in the motive and attitude, not in the task.
Accumulating wealth, power, influence, and prestige are self- gratifying, but will not satisfy a man's need to be significant in any lasting way.
Being a Doer
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24
In your search for significance, have you sought a purpose for your life by studying the Scriptures?
Faithfulness
Today Europe is a post-Christian continent. Why? What would have happened in Europe if, in each generation after the Reformation, there had been a handful of faithful men who had Luther's courage to be doers of the word?
If you are not experiencing the full measure of significance you desire, answer the following questions.
Am I trying to win the rat race?
Am I pursuing significance or self-gratification?
Am I disillusioned with materialism?
Have I been looking for significance in inappropriate ways?
Am I a talker or a doer?
Am I searching Scripture regularly to discover God's purpose for my life?
Am I a cultural or a Biblical Christian?
The Problem
What do you think is a man's greatest need? His need to be significant.
The difference in men is how we go about satisfying our need to be significant.
A Man's Highest Hope
If you were a really great man, what would be the most you might expect from history?
A man's ultimate desire is for immortality. We want something to survive us.
How we decide to answer the two questions, "Who am I?" and "Why do I exist?" is a choice between two time lines: one that's eighty years long and one that lasts forever.
Inappropriate Ways of Finding Significance
Consider some common ways the world defines significance.
Fame: A Few Short Memories. When we try to answer the question, "Who am I?" in terms of fame and worldly accomplishment, we select an identity that quickly fades.
Possessions: Unsatisfied Eyes. We all use possessions to send signals that we are significant. The most fleeting significance comes from things.
Power: What's His Name Again? Men who achieve significant positions of responsibility and authority in life run the great risk of identifying themselves personally with the position.
If you think a person can find lasting significance through the pursuit of fame, possessions, or power, play the game of tens.
Name the ten wealthiest men in the world.
Name the ten most admired men in America.
Name the ten top corporate executives in America.
Name the last ten Nobel Prize winners
Name the last ten presidents of the United States
Or try another version.
Name your ten best friends
Name ten family members who love you
Name the ten most memorable experiences of your life
Name ten people you think will attend your funeral
The Self Gratification/Significance Distinction
Significance is not possible unless what we do contributes to the welfare of others.
If I make helping others my practice, a state of significance results.
The difference between self-gratification and significance is found in the motive and attitude, not in the task.
Accumulating wealth, power, influence, and prestige are self- gratifying, but will not satisfy a man's need to be significant in any lasting way.
Being a Doer
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24
In your search for significance, have you sought a purpose for your life by studying the Scriptures?
Faithfulness
Today Europe is a post-Christian continent. Why? What would have happened in Europe if, in each generation after the Reformation, there had been a handful of faithful men who had Luther's courage to be doers of the word?
If you are not experiencing the full measure of significance you desire, answer the following questions.
Am I trying to win the rat race?
Am I pursuing significance or self-gratification?
Am I disillusioned with materialism?
Have I been looking for significance in inappropriate ways?
Am I a talker or a doer?
Am I searching Scripture regularly to discover God's purpose for my life?
Am I a cultural or a Biblical Christian?
"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 3 Summary
CHAPTER 3 Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian?
The Problem
Many men sense that something isn't quite right about their lives, but they can't put their finger on the answer.
Forty years of consumerism and media influence has caused a shift in values: we live in a culture dominated by the secular view.
Two Impoverished Views
Francis Schaeffer in How Shall We Then Live? suggests that the majority of people today have adopted two impoverished values:
Personal peace. To want to be left alone, not to be troubled by the troubles of other people, to live one's life with minimal possibilities of being personally disturbed.
Affluence. An overwhelming and ever-increasing prosperity -- a life made up of things, a success judged by an ever-higher level of material abundance.
A Third Impoverished Value
If religion is such a big part of our lives, why hasn't it made more of an impact on our society? Since the mid-seventies a third impoverished value has evolved: cultural Christianity.
Cultural Christianity means to pursue the god we want instead of the God who is. It is the tendency to be shallow in our understanding of God.
Cultural Christianity is Christianity made impotent. It is Christianity with little or no impact on the values and beliefs of our society.
Two Kinds of Christians
Because of the current ambiguity surrounding the term Christian, thinking in terms of Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian is a useful way to explain the wide differences in what professing Christians think, say, and do.
Biblical Christians. Those who seek to live by understanding and applying Biblical principles.
Cultural Christians.
Defeated. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of conscience, but who have been drawn into the secular mold.
Counterfeit. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of convenience rather than a matter of conscience.
Lessons From Elementary School
The secular culture today is so polluted, that to be a cultural Christian today means that your life view and lifestyle are contaminated by failed, impoverished values.
The Problem
Many men sense that something isn't quite right about their lives, but they can't put their finger on the answer.
Forty years of consumerism and media influence has caused a shift in values: we live in a culture dominated by the secular view.
Two Impoverished Views
Francis Schaeffer in How Shall We Then Live? suggests that the majority of people today have adopted two impoverished values:
Personal peace. To want to be left alone, not to be troubled by the troubles of other people, to live one's life with minimal possibilities of being personally disturbed.
Affluence. An overwhelming and ever-increasing prosperity -- a life made up of things, a success judged by an ever-higher level of material abundance.
A Third Impoverished Value
If religion is such a big part of our lives, why hasn't it made more of an impact on our society? Since the mid-seventies a third impoverished value has evolved: cultural Christianity.
Cultural Christianity means to pursue the god we want instead of the God who is. It is the tendency to be shallow in our understanding of God.
Cultural Christianity is Christianity made impotent. It is Christianity with little or no impact on the values and beliefs of our society.
Two Kinds of Christians
Because of the current ambiguity surrounding the term Christian, thinking in terms of Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian is a useful way to explain the wide differences in what professing Christians think, say, and do.
Biblical Christians. Those who seek to live by understanding and applying Biblical principles.
Cultural Christians.
Defeated. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of conscience, but who have been drawn into the secular mold.
Counterfeit. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of convenience rather than a matter of conscience.
Lessons From Elementary School
The secular culture today is so polluted, that to be a cultural Christian today means that your life view and lifestyle are contaminated by failed, impoverished values.
"Man in the Mirror: Chapter 2 Summary
CHAPTER 2 Leading an Unexamined Life
Dempsey and Makepeace
Dempsey: "Life is hard and then you die."
The Problem
The number one problem of man at the close of the twentieth century is that he leads an unexamined life.
We rush from task to task, but we don't call enough time-outs to reflect on life's larger issues.
Two Life Views
There are two predominant life views in America today:
The secular humanist believes that man is intrinsically good, he masters his own fate, self-determines the boundaries of his achievements and knowledge, and no moral standards constrain him apart from those he chooses at his own discretion.
The Christian believes an all-powerful God created the heavens and the earth. This living, omniscient God possesses all knowledge, and He established absolute moral standards by which man is expected to abide. He is holy, loving and personal. We have moved away from Judeo-Christian values toward a life view that lets us self-select values based on whether they serve our self- interests.
The choice between a Christian life view and a secular life view is a choice between God's race and the rat race.
Christians in Captivity
Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind states that our society's openness is not one that pursues the truth with a dogged determination, but an openness which presses to be "open to all kinds of men, all kinds of lifestyles, all ideologies."
The Two Yous
The visible you is the you that is known by others.
The real you is the you that is known by God. We are who we are in our minds first, before we speak or act. The main reason we lead unexamined lives is that we do not take time to look at our real selves, carefully looking for more and more.
Dempsey and Makepeace
Dempsey: "Life is hard and then you die."
The Problem
The number one problem of man at the close of the twentieth century is that he leads an unexamined life.
We rush from task to task, but we don't call enough time-outs to reflect on life's larger issues.
Two Life Views
There are two predominant life views in America today:
The secular humanist believes that man is intrinsically good, he masters his own fate, self-determines the boundaries of his achievements and knowledge, and no moral standards constrain him apart from those he chooses at his own discretion.
The Christian believes an all-powerful God created the heavens and the earth. This living, omniscient God possesses all knowledge, and He established absolute moral standards by which man is expected to abide. He is holy, loving and personal. We have moved away from Judeo-Christian values toward a life view that lets us self-select values based on whether they serve our self- interests.
The choice between a Christian life view and a secular life view is a choice between God's race and the rat race.
Christians in Captivity
Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind states that our society's openness is not one that pursues the truth with a dogged determination, but an openness which presses to be "open to all kinds of men, all kinds of lifestyles, all ideologies."
The Two Yous
The visible you is the you that is known by others.
The real you is the you that is known by God. We are who we are in our minds first, before we speak or act. The main reason we lead unexamined lives is that we do not take time to look at our real selves, carefully looking for more and more.
"Man in the Mirror", Chapter 1 Summary
CHAPTER 1 The Rat Race
Carol and Larry
Many families in the U.S. today are experiencing a peculiar tension.
Larry clearly understood the trade-off. More money, less family. More family, less money.
The strain of keeping their household afloat discouraged them. There were bills to pay, kids to pick up, deadlines to meet, quotas to beat, but not much time to enjoy anything.
Words from a Simon and Garfunkle song strike a familiar ring for many people: "Like a rat in a maze, the path before me lies. And the pattern never alters, until the rat dies."
The Problem
Do you know anyone who has ever won the rat race?
Why do we compete in an unwinnable race?
The Standard of Living Fallacy
In general, there are two components to our standard of living.
Our material standard of living which has soared in the last forty years.
Our spiritual standard of living which has plummeted in the same time span. The desire for instant gratification has taken the place of deferring to a time when we can pay cash for our wants. Men today are worn out. Many who have chased their dreams have lost their families.
The most lasting satisfaction in life is our relationships, so why are we trading them off for careers with companies that will drop us like hot potatoes if we miss our quota?
The Dominant Economic Theory in America
The dominant economic theory in America for the past forty years or so has been consumerism.
We are programmed to consume, because the theory holds that a progressively greater consumption of goods is beneficial.
The Influence of the Media
The media in America is controlled by secular humanists. Secular humanism is the view that man establishes his own moral values apart from the influence of anyone (including God), and he self-determines his destiny -- he is the master of his own fate.
The problem with this life view is that it has no absolutes, everything is relative -- it has no external reference point. Our relativistic culture means that we need to guard our minds, because so many kooky ideas are floating around.
The life portrayed on television loves pleasure, sensuality, doesn't deny itself anything, and has a right to whatever goal it sets.
Contrast the heroes of today with those of the past. A few years ago kids looked up to John Wayne, Superman, Batman and Robin. Today it is Mutant Ninja Turtles, Iced Tea, and John MacEnroe.
The Beautiful, Wrinkle-Free Life
The desire for things appears to have become more important than having a meaningful life philosophy.
The result of trying to achieve the beautiful, wrinkle-free life, and failing, produces an excruciating anxiety level. Two components of anxiety are:
Media generated standard of living anxiety
Anxiety from debt pressure
We have exchanged our traditional values for a murky sort of prosperity, financed by a remarkable increase in productivity and by a suffocating load of personal, corporate, and public debt.
The Rat Race Defined
We can define the rat race as the pursuit of the beautiful, wrinkle-free life.
In pursuit of the good life, many men leave a trail of broken relationships
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