Adventures in Men's Ministry

Man in the Mirror, chapter 18 summary

2009-05-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

ANGER

I lose my temper, but its all over in a minute," said the student. "So is the hydrogen bomb," I replied. "But think of the damage it produces!" George Sweeting

The Problem
What makes you angry?

Occasionally we become angry for a righteous cause, but ninety- nine percent of the time we become angry because we are selfish and impatient.
I have never lost my temper at the office -- I would never want my colleagues to think I couldn't control myself.
Rarely a week goes by in which the sparks of family life don't provide good tinder for a roaring fire of anger.

Three Angry Men:
Freddie Flash. His anger is a frequency problem.
Cary Control. His anger is an intensity problem.
Gary Grudge. His anger is a duration problem.

What Makes Us Angry That Shouldn't:
Violation of rights.
Disappointment with station in life.
Blocked goals.
Irritations.
Feeling misunderstood.
Unrealistic expectations.
Pathological/Psychological.

Responding to Anger:
Keep control. "A fool gives vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11
Overlook offenses. "A man's wisdom gives him patience; but it is to his glory to overlook an offense." Proverbs 19:11
Avoid angry men. "Do not make friends with a hot tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared." Proverbs 22:24-25
Appease anger. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Man in the Mirror, chapter 17 summary

2009-05-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

FEAR

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. -Franklin Delano Roosevelt

The Problem

What do you fear? Failure? Rejection? Sudden disaster? Men?

Courage is the state of mind that allows one to face hardship or disaster with confidence and resolution.

Fear is the agitated state of mind that cripples us from looking any farther than the hardship itself.
To be afraid is not to fully trust God.

The Cycle of Fear
Step 1. Reality.
Step 2. Response.
Step 3. Result.
Step 4. Return.
Step 5. Rescue.

Godly Fear versus Secular Fear
Men have the power to give us what we don't deserve, or to withhold from us what we do deserve.
God has the power to give us what we do deserve, or to withhold from us what we don't deserve.

Four Steps to Overcome Fear
Step 1. Unbundle our emotions.
Step 2. Exercise faith in the sovereignty of God.
Step 3. Submit our circumstances and attitude to God.
Step 4. Wait patiently for God to act.

Man in the Mirror Summary, chapter 16

2009-05-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

PRIDE

"I am the greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round!" Muhammad Ali

The Problem
Men want and need to feel good about themselves.
Pride is a sin of comparison in which we compare our strengths to the other fellow's weaknesses.

Two Types of Pride
Pride Type 1. Rather than testing our self worth by comparison to others, we are encouraged to self-examination.
Pride Type 2. A feeling of superiority brought about by looking down on others.

Two Types of Humility
Humility Type 1. Not thinking more highly of yourself than you ought.
Humility Type 2. Thinking too lowly of yourself. Self- deprecation.

Keeping the Right Balance
We don't look down on others, but we have tested our actions, and take pride without comparing ourself to others.
We don't think more highly of ourselves than we ought to, but we soberly think well of ourselves.

Sources of Pride
Too much success can cause us to forget who and what we are.
A man who does not fear God becomes so proud that he cannot detect his own sinfulness.
We put a great deal of effort into making ourselves feel important.

Symptoms
One symptom of pride is a dead giveaway -- constant critiquing of others.
Another is blindness to the needs of others.
Unwillingness to associate with people of lower position is yet another symptom.

"Man in the Mirror" "No Man Left Behind"

2009-05-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

A preliminary dinner will be held for those interested in knowing more about the "No Man Left Behind" training sponsored by Man in the Mirror ministry. The dinner, dutch treat, will be at 6:30 p.m., May 28 at Captain's Galley, 1261 16th St. SE, Hickory, NC 28601, 828/327-0555. RSVP to gregwilkinson@maninthemirror.org with a copy to me at brownneil@bellsouth.net. All men and especially pastors from any and all denominations are invited to attend.More info at www.maninthemirror.org.

Newsletter link

2009-05-01T13:28:00.001-07:00

For the May 2009 Marion District United Methodist Men newsletter go to:
http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/tools/view_newsletter.php?newsletter_id=1409879841

Man in the Mirror, Chapter 14 Summary

2009-04-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

Priorities: How to Decide What's Important

The constant desire to have still more things and a still better life and the struggle to obtain them imprints many Western faces with worry and even depression, though it is customary to conceal such feelings. Alexander Solzhenitsyn

The Problem
Most men have not settled the issue of what their priorities should be. Among those who do know, too few live according to those priorities.
Perhaps no other time of the week reveals more about us than how we spend Saturday morning. Saturday is like the discretionary income in our paycheck.
How do you spend your Saturdays?
Most men are more task oriented than relationship oriented. Lets look at relationships first, the area where we are usually the weakest.

Biblical Priorities
Our top priority: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" Matthew 22:36,37. The most practical way to demonstrate our love for God is through obedience which includes:
Bible Study
Prayer
Worship
Sharing

The man in the mirror can do nothing better than look intently into the word of God that gives freedom and discover the principles, precepts, and guidelines offered.
Priority number two: "Love your neighbor as yourself" Matthew 22:39. Our spouse, children, and parents should be highest on the list of "neighbors". God thinks so highly of our relationship with our parents that He made it one of the Ten Commandments.

Another priority is rest. Our emphasis is always on doing, but God is interested in our rest.

Work should also be a priority. The purpose of work is to glorify God with the abilities He has given us. This should motivate us to pursue excellence.

A final priority is good works which includes:
Introducing others to Christ.
Helping others learn about and become like Christ.
Caring for the poor and needy.

Link to Newsletter

2009-04-03T08:11:00.001-07:00

The March 2009 Marion District United Methodist Men's newsletter is here:

http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/tools/view_newsletter.php?newsletter_id=1409876677

Man in the Mirror, Chapter 13 Summary

2009-04-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

Decisions: How to Make the Right Choice

Once -- many years ago -- I thought I had made a wrong decision. Of course, it turned out that I had been right all along. But I was wrong to have thought I was wrong. John Foster Dulles

The Problem
We all do exactly what we decide to do; we are the sum of our decisions.
Virtually all of our problems can be traced to a poor decision -- a decision made by a process that is barely understood.

The Priority/Moral Distinction
Decisions tend to be priority or moral decisions.

Priority decisions are choices made between right and right. The only imperative in making priority decisions is to be wise -- to choose between good, better, and best.
Moral decisions are choices between right and wrong -- there is the morally correct choice and the morally wrong choice.

Biblical Decision-Making
The first principle of effective decision-making: live by the word of God.
The second principle of effective decision-making is not to put God to a test -- don't put yourself in a position that requires a miracle.
The third principle of effective decision-making is always to worship God and serve Him only in your decisions.

Consequences
Every decision has spiritual and financial consequences.

Man in the Mirror, Chapter 12 Summary

2009-03-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

Four Pillars of Financial Strength
Entrepreneur's credo: A dollar borrowed is a dollar earned, a dollar refinanced is a dollar saved, and a dollar paid back is gone forever! Ted Miller

Earning: Little by Little
"He who gathers money little by little makes it grow." Proverbs 13:11

Saving: Little by Little, Too
The Nest Egg Principle personifies the qualities of the Biblical view of life: quietness, diligence, industry, prudence, patience -- little by little.

Sharing: Where You Store Your Money
People and relationships are more important than possessions.
A different perspective: try putting a cap on your standard of living. Everything you earn beyond what you need to live and save for retirement, give to Christian work.

Three Principles.
Give a proportion of every dollar earned in relation to how God has blessed you. A good starting point is ten percent.
Do your giving in secret to guard against any temptation to become proud.
Give your gifts as an offering to God, not to men. Don't seek the praise or approval of men.

Debt: The Ability to Pretend
There are two ways to acquire and accumulate: income and debt.
Men either earn interest or pay interest.
Debt is a symptom, its a symptom of a consumptive lifestyle.

2009-03-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

It doesn't get any better than this! The children (disciples-in-training) at Spruce Pine United Methodist Church lay hands on me and pray during the re-commissioning ceremony.

2009-03-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

The blessings continue as Phillip Cole, Marion District superintendent, and Bruce Icard, lay leader of my church present me with the Men's Ministry Specialist certificate at a re-commissioning ceremony at my church. I am so thankful for so many showing God's unconditional love to me.

Man in the Mirror, Chapter 11 Summary

2009-03-10T06:30:00.001-07:00

Money: A Biblical Point of View

"The problem with money is that it makes you do things you don't want to do." Wall Street, the movie

The Problem
How would you rate your Biblical I.Q. on money?
By winking at the Scriptures we don't like and cherry picking the ones we do, we create our own little theology about God and money.
One cannot serve both God and money; you are either a slave to God or to money.

The Power of Money
Money is not just a temptation for a moment of carnal pleasure; it is the temptation for us to be conquered by an inert, mindless master, one incapable of saving us from sin or satisfying the deep hunger of our soul for true peace, meaning, and purpose.

The Test of a Man's True Character
No test of a man's true character is more conclusive than how he spends his time and money.
If you really want to know what is important to you, get out your calendar and checkbook.

Is It Money or Me?
What is money? Money is simply a commodity, a medium of exchange. Money, by itself, is uncomplicated.
The problem is with men. God knew how much we would struggle with it -- that it would be His main competition for our affections.

Three Perspectives of Money

Poverty Theology. The disciple of poverty theology believes possessions are a curse and has rejected materialism in every form. The person who thinks one must be poor to be humble is mistaken.

Prosperity Theology. The disciple of Prosperity theology believes that you have not because you ask not. The theory is that one can create a binding transaction on God in which He is obligated to bless you. Many adherents to this approach live consumptive lifestyles.

Stewardship Theology. The disciple of stewardship theology believes that God owns and controls everything. Possessions are a privilege not a right. Being a steward is more of an attitude, a way of looking at life as a caretaker.

Poverty theology exaggerates the role of sacrificial work, while prosperity theology overemphasizes the pursuit of financial rewards. The steward leads a balanced life, enjoying God's abundance while serving others in love.

Another Spiritual Mountaintop Moment

2009-03-09T13:15:00.001-07:00

I had the humbling but very high moment this past weekend by journeying to Nashville, Tennessee to the United Methodist "holy land" where I became one of the first seven men to be certified as a Men's Ministry Specialist, a para-professional ministry of the laity. This took place as a part of the annual three-day National Association of United Methodist Men's Conference Presidents meeting. Presiding over the commissioning ceremony were Rev. David Adams, general secretary of the General Commission on United Methodist Men and Dr. Zawdie Abadie, of the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry, Division of Ordained Ministry. Praise be to God!

Walk to Emmaus

2009-03-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

I have just returned from a 3-day Walk to Emmaus and am still "flying with the angels", a very blessed experience that I encourage every biblical Christian to attend. Many thanks to Dave and Alice, my sponsors; to Dave, Alice, Phil, Marvin, and Don for their unconditional agape love and who came to celebrate with us; and to my Table of Luke table mates and friends forever, Jack, Paul, Wally, Tim, and Shannon, I love you all unconditionally.

Operation Inasmuch

2009-02-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

Planning is underway for Operation Inasmuch in Mitchell County. The next planning meeting is Tuesday, March 3 at 6:00 p.m. at Spruce Pine United Methodist Church. Operation Inasmuch is a non-denominational day of local missions involving local churches involved in such projects as home repair, nursing home visitation, and community cleanup. Potential dates are April 25 or May 2. For more information, contact Jay Bissett at 828/688-4988 or jbissett@ccvn.com. The national website is www.operationinasmuch.com.

Man in the Mirror, chapter 10

2009-02-17T12:52:00.001-08:00

Friends: Risks and Rewards
Five years from today you will be pretty much the same as you are today except for two things: the books you read and the people you get close to. Charles Jones

The Problem
Do you have a close friend? Not just someone to call for lunch, but a genuinely close friend?
Adult friendships are difficult to start and harder to keep.
Most men have a friendship deficit. We don't have anyone who is willing to just listen, to simply be a friend and listen, and not always to have a quick solution.

Friends Versus Acquaintances
You'd be fortunate if you had three real friends.
Are the men you consider friends really friends?

Too Close for Comfort
We sincerely want to have close friends, yet we fear letting someone get too close. We worry that if someone really got to know us, they wouldn't like us.
We need approval, to be accepted by another person, but we fear the opposite -- that we will be rejected.

Betrayed!
Few types of emotional pain sear as painfully and as deeply as that of betrayal by a friend.
Trust, transparency, and vulnerability are the stuff of which true friendships are constructed.

Taking the Risk
If you want a real friend, you will probably need to be the one who takes the initiative.
The price of friendship is personal vulnerability.
Transparency must characterize a friendship.

A Friend
A friend is there when you need him.
A friend keeps us on track.
A friend helps us crystallize our thoughts.
A friend will listen.

Men's Summit

2009-02-11T11:50:00.001-08:00

We're in the process of planning the 1st Annual Blue Ridge Men's Spring Summit to be held in the fellowship hall of First Baptist Church, Spruce Pine, on Saturday, April 18. The Summit will feature a praise band, fellowship, lunch, and a men's ministry expert as keynote speaker. The first 48 men will receive a copy of the book "Man in the Mirror", the book that started the men's ministry movement.Mark your calendar.

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 9 Questions

2009-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

Wives: How to be Happily Married

The Man In the Mirror - Patrick Morley Chapter 9

Wives: How to be happily married.
Are you less than happily married? Perhaps you are not unhappy, but you sense you are missing out on the best that marriage can offer. Have your wife read this chapter, and then spend some time together answering the sixteen following questions, entitled "Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse." Make a habit of talking about matters that matter.

Questions to Discuss with Your Spouse(Spend twenty minutes together daily for thirty days --- form a habit.)
1. What are three to five things about me that you really like?
2. What are two things I do which you wish I would stop doing or change?
3. Where are you on your spiritual pilgrimage?
4. What do you think is the purpose of your life?
5. What is something we could do together in our spare time?
6. What is a trip you've always dreamed of taking?
7. What are your greatest regrets about your life?
8. What has been your biggest disappointment?
9. How do you feel about how the kids are turning (have turned) out?
10. If you could change any one thing about your life, what would it be?
11. If you had no one else to answer to, what would you like to be doing in five years? Ten years? In retirement?
12. What is one tangible way I can better express my love for you?
13. Each put an "X" where you think you are and where your partner is:
• Men: Love I----------I----------I Hate
• Women: Submit I----------I----------I Resist
Discuss why your answers are different. Discuss each other's willingness to change.
14. Which of the four types of marriages do we have?
15. What practical steps could I/you take to have a "love and submit" marriage?
16. Husband: Read 1 Corinthians 13 to your wife out loud. Confess to her the areas where you have failed and ask her forgiveness. Wife: Repeat.

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 9 Summary

2009-02-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

Wives: How to be Happily Married

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. Martin Luther

The Problem
Most men are not unhappy with their marriages, but they don't really enjoy their wives -- they are less than happily married.
Men need to have a friend with whom they can let their hair down, someone they can really trust. Too few men find that friend.

The Role of a Wife
One of a man's deepest needs is to be respected.
Your wife's duty is to submit to you, which is the ultimate expression of respect.
To yield to another person is impossible unless you respect them. You can be forced to obey someone, but not to respect them.
The goal of this instruction is not to reduce women to servants and doormats, but to provide an authority structure in the marriage.
Where is your wife on the submit/resist continuum? How is your management style?

The Role of the Husband
The Scriptural instruction to husbands is to love their wife.
The kind of love Scripture directs us to is volitional rather than emotional. We are to love our wives volitionally, as an act of the will by choice.
Where would you place yourself on the love/hate continuum?

Four Types of Marriages
Love and Submit. Ozzie and Harriet
Hate and Submit. The Bunkers
Love and Resist. The Lockhorns
Hate and Resist. J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing

Most marriages which are still together but not working are Hate and Submit or Love and Resist because one partner has decided to hang in there and try to make things work.

The Love and Submit Marriage. I have known only a handful of men whose marriages are really working.

The Hate and Submit Marriage. This is the most common type of marriage that is not working.

The Love and Resist Marriage. The feminist movement has fueled the Love and Resist marriage syndrome.

Time Together
Every marriage needs a balance between talking and listening.
A thirty-day experiment: spend twenty minutes each day talking with your wife.

Shared Responsibility
Our marriages will work better if we apply, by mutual agreement with our wives, the principle of 90-10, Both Ways.

How Do Marriages Get Into Trouble
Most marriages tend to break down because the partners are critical of each other.
Power struggles over unyielded rights can doom a marriage.
Our self-centeredness is the root problem.
When it dawned on me that she wanted to be a teammate and not a slave, I became angry -- both at her for not capitulating, and at myself for being so foolish.

Sex!
No temptation causes more problems for men than sex.
Our culture does not prize fidelity as one of its values.
For a marriage to survive today, a man and his wife must be at least as committed to the institution of marriage as they are to each other as individuals.

Money
Financial pressure is the greatest pressure on couples today.

Communication
Only through dialog can we be certain that we are being understood.

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 8 Summary

2009-02-04T17:25:00.000-08:00

Children: How to Avoid Regrets

"My child arrived just the other day; he came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay; he learned to walk while I was away." Sandy and Harry Chapin
If we are willing to go so far as to die for our children, why is it that we often don't seem willing to live for them?

The Problem
Survey results indicate that the average middle-class father believes he spends fifteen to twenty minutes a day with his kids.
The actual average amount of time each dad spent with his kids was thirty-seven seconds, an average of 2.7 daily encounters of ten to fifteen seconds!
The average American child watches between four and seven hours of TV each day.

\Freedom to Be Kids
What is more important a piece of furniture or a child? "I'll not have you ruining a million dollar child over a $300 dollar table."
Give them the freedom to be kids. Our approach should be to help them get through growing up.

Protection from the World
Our goal is protection not insulation.
Children, not wise but foolish, discriminate best between that which makes them feel good and that which makes them feel bad.
Too bad that many things which feel good at first deeply scar the lives of millions of our young people -- drugs, alcohol, sex.
The duty and role of fathers includes protecting children from evil as well as teaching them righteousness.
Teaching children what to look for in a friend, and placing them in environments where such young people can be found is a gigantic contribution to their beliefs and values.
These days when we misjudge, we tend to underprotect, not overprotect.

Encourage, Don't Embitter
Angry fathers are everywhere. I once heard an angry father yell at his elementary-aged son, "Why don't you act your age?"
These are the words penned by Boswell's dad: "Gone fishing today with my son; a day wasted."

No Replacement for Time
If we end up with regrets over the time we didn't give our children, it is a pain that never goes away.
As Lee Iacocca points out, no one says on his deathbed, "I wish I had spent more time with my business."

Guardianship Through Prayer
We can make no greater contribution to the well-being of our kids than to intercede for them in daily prayer.
You may find some adaptation of this list helpful:
A saving faith
A growing faith
To be strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit
A desire for integrity
A call to excellence
To acquire wisdom

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 7 Summary

2009-02-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

Broken Relationships

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Tolstoy

Why not prioritize everything we do on the basis of who's going to be crying at our funeral?
Why should we give ourselves to people who don't love us at the expense of those who do?

The Problem
Many men are succeeding at work, but failing at life. In pursuit of the good life, most men leave a trail of broken relationships.
"I was so busy taking care of company business that I never put my own financial house in order."
"I was so busy trying to improve my family's standard of living that, before I knew it, my children were grown and gone, and I never got to know them. Now they are too busy for me."
No amount of success at the office can compensate for failure at home.

Why Do Men Score So Low in Relationships?
God gave man the natural inclination to be task oriented -- referred to as the cultural mandate.
The culture we live in values possessions and accomplishments higher than people and relationships.
When is the last time you met a man who described himself in terms of the impact he is having on his children?
Our culture has persuaded most men that significance is related more to our balance sheet and our title than to teaching our children and cherishing our wives.

Grumpy Men
"Other people don't create your spirit, they only reveal it." Our wives don't make us grumpy; we are grumpy people looking for a place to grump.
The key to relationships is time. People know how much you value them by the amount and quality of time you are willing to spend with them.

Conclusion
Do my wife and children know that I am for them by the way I spend my time?
If you don't have enough time for your family, you can be 100% certain that you are not following God's will for your life

"Man in the Mirror", Chapter 6 Summary

2009-02-04T17:20:00.000-08:00

The Secret of Job Contentment

The most outstanding characteristic of Eastern civilization is to know contentment whereas that of Western civilization is not to know contentment. Hu Shih

The Problem
Are you getting what you want out of your job?

According to published surveys, up to 80 percent of Americans occupy the wrong job for them.
Men, made for work, must feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in their work, or contentment will elude them.
If a man is unhappy in his work, he is unhappy.

The Secret of Job Contentment
The secret of job contentment is not getting what you want, but redefining what you need.
Three principles from Scripture apply when we are willing to redefine what we need to achieve job contentment:
We need to control our ambition.
Our contentment must come from our relationship with God, not from our circumstances.
We need to redefine the basic roles in our work relationships:
The ultimate boss is God.
We are to be stewards.

Developing a Life Purpose Statement

2009-02-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

Use this worksheet as a guide to help you discover God’s personal purpose for your life. Your reward will be a sense of destiny about your life.

Follow these practical steps:

1.Ask God, in prayer, to reveal your personal earthly purpose to you. Read Psalm 32:8 and claim it as a purpose that He will answer.

2.Search the Scriptures for verses which capture your sense of God’s purpose for your earthly life- record verses that give a special sense of meaning and purpose, picking out verses that are big enough to last a lifetime. Here are some which you can begin to explore: Joshua 24:15; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 6:33; 22:37-40; 28:19-20; John 4:34; 15:1-9, 15; 17:4; Acts 20:24; I Corinthians 10:31; Ephesians 2:10; Phillipians 3:10; Proverbs 30:7-9; Micah 6:8; Acts 1:8; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Other verses: _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3.Go slow and wait for God to reveal Himself. Be patient, it may take some time.

4.Once you find a verse that you believe expresses God’s earthly purpose for you, rephrase it in your own words. Write a “draft” Written Life Purpose Statement here: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5.Once you are satisfied you have it, write it down, date it, and carry it in your Bible.

6.Do all of the above asking God to give you a passion for your life so you will not be numbered among those timid souls who never know what it is like to taste the full measure of God. Decide to buy something great with the rest of the days you have to spend.

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 5 Summary

2009-02-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER 5 Purpose: Why Do I Exist?
Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever. Westminster Confession of Faith

The Problem
Achieving goals becomes an unrelated string of hollow victories, increasingly frustrating as more and more is achieved.
The problem with goals is that you have to keep setting new ones because achieving them doesn't provide lasting satisfaction.
The fleeting satisfaction of a met goal begs the question, "Is there something bigger for my life than the routine of setting and meeting goals?"

Identity Versus Purpose
Identity answers the question, "Who am I?" We derive identity from understanding our relationship with God.
Purpose answers the question, "Why do I exist?" The only purposes that will survive are the ones linked to God.

Goals Versus Purpose
Goals are near-term; whether or not they can be met can be determined.
Purpose reflects our examination of life's larger meaning.
Goals are what we do. Purpose is why we do what we do.

Eternal Purpose Versus Earthly Purpose
God's eternal purpose for us is to seek His kingdom, by which we enjoy Him forever.
His earthly purpose for us is to seek His righteousness, by which we glorify Him.

Earthly Purpose
There is a sense in which all men are alike, God gives all men the same universal earthly purpose:
What we are to be (character).
What we are to do (conduct).
There is a sense in which each of us is unique, God gives each of us a specific call on our lives -- personal earthly purpose. A Life Purpose Statement encompasses what you discover as God's personal earthly purpose for your life.

Assignment
Begin to sketch out a purpose statement for your life.

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 4 Summary

2009-02-03T10:43:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER 4 Significance: The Search for Meaning and Purpose

The Problem
What do you think is a man's greatest need? His need to be significant.
The difference in men is how we go about satisfying our need to be significant.

A Man's Highest Hope
If you were a really great man, what would be the most you might expect from history?
A man's ultimate desire is for immortality. We want something to survive us.
How we decide to answer the two questions, "Who am I?" and "Why do I exist?" is a choice between two time lines: one that's eighty years long and one that lasts forever.

Inappropriate Ways of Finding Significance
Consider some common ways the world defines significance.

Fame: A Few Short Memories. When we try to answer the question, "Who am I?" in terms of fame and worldly accomplishment, we select an identity that quickly fades.
Possessions: Unsatisfied Eyes. We all use possessions to send signals that we are significant. The most fleeting significance comes from things.
Power: What's His Name Again? Men who achieve significant positions of responsibility and authority in life run the great risk of identifying themselves personally with the position.
If you think a person can find lasting significance through the pursuit of fame, possessions, or power, play the game of tens.

Name the ten wealthiest men in the world.
Name the ten most admired men in America.
Name the ten top corporate executives in America.
Name the last ten Nobel Prize winners
Name the last ten presidents of the United States
Or try another version.

Name your ten best friends
Name ten family members who love you
Name the ten most memorable experiences of your life
Name ten people you think will attend your funeral

The Self Gratification/Significance Distinction
Significance is not possible unless what we do contributes to the welfare of others.
If I make helping others my practice, a state of significance results.
The difference between self-gratification and significance is found in the motive and attitude, not in the task.
Accumulating wealth, power, influence, and prestige are self- gratifying, but will not satisfy a man's need to be significant in any lasting way.

Being a Doer
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24
In your search for significance, have you sought a purpose for your life by studying the Scriptures?

Faithfulness
Today Europe is a post-Christian continent. Why? What would have happened in Europe if, in each generation after the Reformation, there had been a handful of faithful men who had Luther's courage to be doers of the word?

If you are not experiencing the full measure of significance you desire, answer the following questions.

Am I trying to win the rat race?
Am I pursuing significance or self-gratification?
Am I disillusioned with materialism?
Have I been looking for significance in inappropriate ways?
Am I a talker or a doer?
Am I searching Scripture regularly to discover God's purpose for my life?
Am I a cultural or a Biblical Christian?

"Man in the Mirror" Chapter 3 Summary

2009-02-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER 3 Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian?

The Problem
Many men sense that something isn't quite right about their lives, but they can't put their finger on the answer.
Forty years of consumerism and media influence has caused a shift in values: we live in a culture dominated by the secular view.

Two Impoverished Views
Francis Schaeffer in How Shall We Then Live? suggests that the majority of people today have adopted two impoverished values:

Personal peace. To want to be left alone, not to be troubled by the troubles of other people, to live one's life with minimal possibilities of being personally disturbed.
Affluence. An overwhelming and ever-increasing prosperity -- a life made up of things, a success judged by an ever-higher level of material abundance.

A Third Impoverished Value
If religion is such a big part of our lives, why hasn't it made more of an impact on our society? Since the mid-seventies a third impoverished value has evolved: cultural Christianity.

Cultural Christianity means to pursue the god we want instead of the God who is. It is the tendency to be shallow in our understanding of God.
Cultural Christianity is Christianity made impotent. It is Christianity with little or no impact on the values and beliefs of our society.

Two Kinds of Christians
Because of the current ambiguity surrounding the term Christian, thinking in terms of Biblical Christian or Cultural Christian is a useful way to explain the wide differences in what professing Christians think, say, and do.

Biblical Christians. Those who seek to live by understanding and applying Biblical principles.
Cultural Christians.
Defeated. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of conscience, but who have been drawn into the secular mold.
Counterfeit. Those whose association with Christianity is a matter of convenience rather than a matter of conscience.

Lessons From Elementary School
The secular culture today is so polluted, that to be a cultural Christian today means that your life view and lifestyle are contaminated by failed, impoverished values.

"Man in the Mirror: Chapter 2 Summary

2009-02-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER 2 Leading an Unexamined Life

Dempsey and Makepeace

Dempsey: "Life is hard and then you die."

The Problem
The number one problem of man at the close of the twentieth century is that he leads an unexamined life.
We rush from task to task, but we don't call enough time-outs to reflect on life's larger issues.

Two Life Views
There are two predominant life views in America today:
The secular humanist believes that man is intrinsically good, he masters his own fate, self-determines the boundaries of his achievements and knowledge, and no moral standards constrain him apart from those he chooses at his own discretion.
The Christian believes an all-powerful God created the heavens and the earth. This living, omniscient God possesses all knowledge, and He established absolute moral standards by which man is expected to abide. He is holy, loving and personal. We have moved away from Judeo-Christian values toward a life view that lets us self-select values based on whether they serve our self- interests.
The choice between a Christian life view and a secular life view is a choice between God's race and the rat race.

Christians in Captivity
Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind states that our society's openness is not one that pursues the truth with a dogged determination, but an openness which presses to be "open to all kinds of men, all kinds of lifestyles, all ideologies."

The Two Yous
The visible you is the you that is known by others.
The real you is the you that is known by God. We are who we are in our minds first, before we speak or act. The main reason we lead unexamined lives is that we do not take time to look at our real selves, carefully looking for more and more.

"Man in the Mirror", Chapter 1 Summary

2009-02-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER 1 The Rat Race

Carol and Larry

Many families in the U.S. today are experiencing a peculiar tension.
Larry clearly understood the trade-off. More money, less family. More family, less money.
The strain of keeping their household afloat discouraged them. There were bills to pay, kids to pick up, deadlines to meet, quotas to beat, but not much time to enjoy anything.
Words from a Simon and Garfunkle song strike a familiar ring for many people: "Like a rat in a maze, the path before me lies. And the pattern never alters, until the rat dies."

The Problem
Do you know anyone who has ever won the rat race?
Why do we compete in an unwinnable race?

The Standard of Living Fallacy
In general, there are two components to our standard of living.
Our material standard of living which has soared in the last forty years.
Our spiritual standard of living which has plummeted in the same time span. The desire for instant gratification has taken the place of deferring to a time when we can pay cash for our wants. Men today are worn out. Many who have chased their dreams have lost their families.
The most lasting satisfaction in life is our relationships, so why are we trading them off for careers with companies that will drop us like hot potatoes if we miss our quota?

The Dominant Economic Theory in America
The dominant economic theory in America for the past forty years or so has been consumerism.
We are programmed to consume, because the theory holds that a progressively greater consumption of goods is beneficial.

The Influence of the Media
The media in America is controlled by secular humanists. Secular humanism is the view that man establishes his own moral values apart from the influence of anyone (including God), and he self-determines his destiny -- he is the master of his own fate.
The problem with this life view is that it has no absolutes, everything is relative -- it has no external reference point. Our relativistic culture means that we need to guard our minds, because so many kooky ideas are floating around.
The life portrayed on television loves pleasure, sensuality, doesn't deny itself anything, and has a right to whatever goal it sets.
Contrast the heroes of today with those of the past. A few years ago kids looked up to John Wayne, Superman, Batman and Robin. Today it is Mutant Ninja Turtles, Iced Tea, and John MacEnroe.

The Beautiful, Wrinkle-Free Life
The desire for things appears to have become more important than having a meaningful life philosophy.
The result of trying to achieve the beautiful, wrinkle-free life, and failing, produces an excruciating anxiety level. Two components of anxiety are:
Media generated standard of living anxiety
Anxiety from debt pressure
We have exchanged our traditional values for a murky sort of prosperity, financed by a remarkable increase in productivity and by a suffocating load of personal, corporate, and public debt.

The Rat Race Defined
We can define the rat race as the pursuit of the beautiful, wrinkle-free life.
In pursuit of the good life, many men leave a trail of broken relationships

Certified Men's Ministry Specialist Update

2009-01-29T06:35:00.000-08:00

We've just been informed that I'll be going to Nashville, Tenn. on March 7, 2009, to be recognized and commissioned for service as a Men's Ministry Specialist at the annual meeting of the National Association of United Methodist Men Conference Presidents. I am one of only 6 men nationwide to have completed the requirements for this first class of MMS's. May all honor and glory be to God.

A New Website

2009-01-26T17:27:00.000-08:00

We now have a website for the Marion District United Methodist Men at http://marionumm.synthasite.com/. On it is a listing of the executive committee, 2009 calendar, 2009 goals and objectives, and an incentive plan.

The Ten Contentments

2009-01-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

Words of wisdom from my friend Alice Houser:

A Meditation on the Ten Commandments as the Ten Contentments
By Alice Houser

1. Exodus 20:2-3 "I am the LORD your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me."
Be content with Me. I have freed you. Nothing is more important in your life. Don't let anything come between us.

2. Exodus 20:4-6 "You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments."
Be content with the priorities that I have for you. Don't make anything more important than Me and our relationship. Don't get all worked up over something that I don't even consider that important. The depth of sin is exhibited in sins repeating themselves generation after generation. The breadth of My love for individuals is expressed: I don't love you because of who your parents are.

3. Exodus 20:7 "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain."
Be content with the importance of language, one of the unique aspects of humans. Names are important. Learn my names, reflect on them, cherish them.

4. Exodus 20:8-11 "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy."
Be content with the sabbath. You need it. Be content with six days of labor. It's plenty. Don't even delegate work on the sabbath. Be an example to others in the way you keep the sabbath.

5. Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you."
Be content with your parents. I gave them to you. Family is important.

6. Exodus 20:13 "You shall not murder."
Be content with all life. Life is sacred....My creation.

7. Exodus 20:14 "You shall not commit adultery."
Be content with your spouse, the one I picked for you.

8. Exodus 20:15 "You shall not steal."
Be content with what I have provided for you so far. Ownership is important. Accept gifts gratefully.

9. Exodus 20:16 "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
Be content with the truth. Be content with your position and status. Be open. Be vulnerable.

10. Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Be content, even in your heart and mind. I am giving you what is best for you. I care about every aspect of your life. Be happy for your neighbors who have been blessed.

Mistaken for Jesus

2009-01-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from a sermon I preached recently entitled “Mistaken for Jesus”:

“We’ve all done it, that is, we’ve been in a shopping mall or a crowded public venue, we spot someone across the way who looks hauntingly familiar. We say to ourselves, ‘I know this person’. As we make our way toward this familiar looking face, the resemblance grows even stronger. We finally get face to face with them, we call them by the name of the person whom we think it is only to discover that they are not who we thought they were. A simple case of mistaken identity.
As Christians we are implored to model ourselves after Jesus. As our King of Kings and Lord of Lords, he could have ordered for himself a luxurious palace, worn fine raiment, and had legions of servants waiting hand and foot. Instead he chose a humble lifestyle, a man without a home or personal possessions. He depended instead on the kindness and hospitality of friends and strangers alike. He hung out not with the high priests, nor the leaders of the chamber of commerce or with the elected politicians but rather with the likes of harlots, tax collectors and thieves. It wasn’t that he had much in common with them but rather they needed what he had to offer- love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness. His life was one of humility but full of unbridled grace and a remarkable sense of hope.
So I ask you, ‘Have you been mistaken lately for Jesus?’ ”

Another good resource

2009-01-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

The Center for Church Based Training, www.ccbt.org, 1-888-422-2896. They offer books, seminars, and consulting to church leaders.
They assist local church leaders in providing spiritual training of every person entrusted to their care, as well as to provide opportunities to develop those who desire to serve in ministry leadership roles.
They publish the book "The Leadership Baton".

Men's Ministry Resources

2009-01-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.gcumm.org/ – General Commission on United Methodist Men website; 1-866/297-4312; books, cd’s, dvd’s, UMM store, training, UMM ministries to children and youth.

http://www.promisekeepers.org/ – Promise Keepers website; 1-866/776-6473; books, cd’s, training, stadium events

http://www.ncmm.org/ – National Coalition of Men’s Ministries; a network of parachurch ministries and denominational ministries representing over half of the churches in America. Email updates, workshops.

http://www.disciplemen.org/ – Disciplemen website; gathering the world’s best men’s discipleship resources and leaders in a single location. Online courses, best practices and resources.

http://www.maninthemirror.org/ – Man in the Mirror website; offers books, courses, DVD’s, training and an e-newsletter, a partner with GCUMM. 1-800/929-2536

www.graceproductscorp.com/lettersfromdad - Letters from Dad, a partner with GCUMM. 1-972/437-6575; leaving a legacy of faith, hope and love; books, videos, training.

http://www.buildingbrothers.org/ – The Building Brothers Ministry website, helping men become free to passionately pursue God, a partner with GCUMM, offers training, books, videos, an e-newsletter.

http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/ - Ministry to men; helping men become better fathers, husbands, sons, and followers of Jesus Christ. Books, courses, training, e-newsletter. 1-877/247-4787.

Other Resources

http://www.wnccumc.org/ - The Western N.C. Conference website; churches, pastors, districts, missions, ministries, calendar, an e-newsletter. 1-800/562-2260

http://www.umc.org/ – The national UMC website

http://www.barna.org/ -The Barna Organization that conducts surveys and gathers statistics about churches, the faith community, and religious issues. Offers an e-newsletter. 1-805/639-0000

http://www.sejumc.org/ -The Southeast Jurisdiction of the UMC, covers the SE US.

http://www.upperroom.org -The Upper Room website; national toll-free prayer line, Walk to Emmaus, devotional guides, books, training. Has email devotionals. 1-615/340-7200

http://www.umcor.org/ - The United Methodist Committee on Relief; our disaster agency, also fights global AIDS, world hunger, 3rd world missions. Has an e-newsletter. 1-800/554-8583

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ - Christianity Today magazine, offers a free daily email update. Books, music, training materials. 1-630/260-6200

http://www.faithintheworkplace.com/ - Faith in the Workplace magazine, free email updates. 1-630/260-6200

http://www.thehighercalling.org/ - Glorifying God in everyday life and work. News magazine, blogs, e-newsletter.

The Compelling Case for a New Model of Men's Ministry

2009-01-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

In his book “Spiritual Fathers”, author Dan Schaffer writes, ‘In the last decades of the twentieth century the church was inundated with church growth strategies. However, during that same time the church’s collective impact on its people and on the culture shrank continuously.

In his book, The Bridger Generation, Thom S. Rainer takes a look back over the past 50 years in the Christian community. He found that 65% of “Builders” (born between 1910 and 1946), 35% of “Boomers” (born between 1947 and 1964), and 15% of “Busters” (born between 1965 and 1976) made professions of faith. Only 4% of “Bridgers” (born between 1977 and 1994) are projected to make professions of faith.

Following the Builders, or World War II generation, each generation has produces significantly less disciples than the preceding generation. What has happened? How did we go from a church that was impacting nearly two-thirds of the people in the culture to a church that now, after only 4 generations, is impacting only about 4% of the culture? It is clear that the current strategies for church growth are not resulting in churches that are fulfilling the call and mission of the church.’

If we fail to act now, in 50 years the Christian church in America as we now know it will be nearly extinct. America will resemble present-day England and Europe where abandoned churches are being converted to dance halls, pubs, and community centers.

Patrick Morley in his book, “No Man Left Behind”, writes, ‘Many leaders we talk to have expressed astonishment over the statistic from Barna Research that only 4% of Americans and 9% of born-again Christians hold a biblical worldview.

Given that the vast amount of money spent by the church each year- approximately $31 billion in 2001 (churches representing 49.4 million members)- one is tempted to ask, “What has the church been making, because it sure doesn’t seem like it has been making disciples?”

The consequences are staggering. A whopping 40% of the baby buster generation was raised by divorced or separated parents. Now the sins of the fathers are being visited on the next generation. Tonight, 33% of America’s 72 million children will go to bed in a home without a biological father. And 66% of them are not expected to live with both biological parents through age 18. We are now bearing the full brunt of our failure to disciple men.’

David Kinnaman of Barna Research in his paper, “The Secular Uprising”, states, ‘Christian leaders have always decried secularism and atheism. …this “no-faith” group … is now about 1 out of 10 adults, or roughly 20 million adults. …many atheists and agnostics maintain significant negative opinions about Christianity. Most believe that “radical Christianity” is as dangerous as radical Islam. Setting aside the accuracy of their perceptions for the moment, their mistrust of Christians makes it increasingly difficult to convey the message of Jesus.

A second reason it’s important to pay attention to atheists and agnostics is that they’re playing an even greater role among emerging generations. Among those in their 40’s or older, just 8% are self-identified atheists or agnostics. Among those in their 20’s and 30’s, twice as many admit to embracing a secular mindset (14%). Among those 18 to 22, one out of every five (19%) is an atheist or agnostic. This still may represent a minority of individuals, but the growing popularity of this perspective makes it a more prominent feature of the ministry landscape.’

Finally, Willow Creek Community Church, the mega-church in South Barrington, Illinois, founded and pastored by Bill Hybels, has been conducting congregational surveys since the early 1990’s.

Their research findings, known as Reveal, has surveyed over 157,000 congregants in more than 500 churches. The research classifies church attenders level of church activity/spiritual behaviors (tithing, evangelism, serving, etc.) as “low”, “medium”, or “high”. It measures spiritual growth as either “low”, “medium”, or “high”.

The correlation between the “level of church activity/spiritual behaviors” and “spiritual growth” was expected to be a direct linear one. Based on research results, however, the connection between church activity and spiritual growth appears to be limited. The research showed some increase in spiritual behaviors as participation in church activities increases, but very little correlation between low-medium-high levels of participation and increasing “love for God, love for people”. Those who were most active in the church did not necessarily report higher levels of spiritual attitudes than those less active.

The study puts all congregants in one of four segments of a Spiritual Continuum: “Exploring Christianity”, “Growing in Christ”, “Close to Christ”, and “Christ-centered”. In addition to the four Spiritual Continuum segments, a large group of people in the two upper segments (“Close to Christ” and “Christ-centered”) were “stalled or dissatisfied” in their spiritual growth. These two “stalled or dissatisfied” groups make up 26% of the total sample. Their comments were similar to “I believe in Christ, but I haven’t grown much lately” or “My faith is central to my life and I’m trying to grow, but my church is letting me down”. Even more alarming, a quarter of the “stalled” segment and 63% of the “dissatisfied” segment contemplated leaving the church.

There are other alarming statistics:
In America there are 113 million men age 15 or older (est. 2003). Of those, 69 million do not know Christ; 44 million do. Of the 44 million, only 6 million are being discipled, 38 million are not.

So then, what happens when the church does not make disciples? There are 72 million children under the age of 18 in America. Tonight, 33% of them will go to bed in a home without a biological father. 40% of first marriages end in divorce affecting one million children each year. 33% of all children are born out of wedlock.

Let’s look at men who are in the church. For every 10 men in the church:
9 will have children who leave the church.
8 will not find their jobs satisfying.
6 will pay the monthly minimum on their credit cards.
5 will have a major problem with pornography.
4 will get divorced, affecting one million children each year.
1 will have a biblical worldview.
All 10 will struggle to balance work and family.

It’s time to get busy and make disciples for Jesus Christ.